My story is about how my ex-husband’s girlfriend realized a truth about him that I grew too comfortable with while married to him. With one important question, his new girlfriend taught me a valuable lesson about self-love after reaching out unexpectedly.
I’ve been divorced for five years now, and it’s been an interesting journey navigating life post-marriage. My ex-husband, Ben, 48, and I, 45, were together for 13 years and had two wonderful kids. Even after our split, we’ve managed to stay on good terms.
We co-parent effectively despite our marriage having its ups and downs. Ben and I are best friends and have also maintained a friendship that surprises most people. Our divorce wasn’t messy; we simply wanted different things out of life.
Yesterday was our eldest’s 16th birthday, and we decided to celebrate with a family dinner. Ben has been seeing someone new, a woman named Lisa, for about four months. He told me about her as soon as their relationship got serious.
Transparency was part of our agreement to keep things open and honest for the sake of our children. He asked if he could bring Lisa to the birthday dinner, and while I wasn’t thrilled as I would have preferred to meet her one-on-one first, I didn’t want to cause any drama or be intrusive. So, I agreed.
On that fateful day, I finally got to meet Lisa who was friendly, and eager to make a good impression, which was a relief. I preferred her to be a good person if she was going to be around my children.
She’s got a kind smile and she immediately struck up a conversation with me about the kids’ school and activities. I could tell she was trying hard to fit in, which I appreciated.
As the evening went on, I noticed how attentive Lisa was to Ben. It was sweet but also a little unsettling because I never saw that side of him during our marriage. I chalked it up to new relationship energy and tried to focus on the kids and the celebration.
Halfway through dinner, things got weird when my eldest handed me a birthday card from her father. This caught me off guard because my birthday was months ago. No one usually remembers it, and Ben has never been one to recall such occasions.
Don’t get me wrong, my children’s father is a great man. But he’s really terrible with things like anniversaries, birthdays, or any special occasions. During all the years we were together, Ben never got me a present or card.
It was also my responsibility to handle events like the kids’ birthdays, Christmas, and more. I don’t know if I was wrong for this, but his forgetfulness didn’t bother me. I thanked my daughter, feeling touched by the gesture.
Lisa, sitting across from me, saw my surprise. I had assumed she’d made him get it, but then I noticed how she was giving me these funny looks. Unsure what they meant, I decided to mingle with other guests to avoid the awkwardness.
But, Lisa somehow managed to get my attention. “Ben mentioned he’s not great with birthdays,” she said with a chuckle. “He forgot mine a few weeks ago. Is it intentional?”
I laughed, remembering all the missed anniversaries and forgotten special days. “I have no idea, Lisa, but 13 years of marriage and two kids wasn’t the benchmark because he never really got the hang of it,” I replied. “It’s just who he is.”
Lisa seemed disappointed and tried to hide it, but I thought nothing of it and wandered off to talk to other guests. I decided to shift the conversation to something lighter and talked about family plans and the upcoming holidays. The rest of the evening went smoothly, and we all parted ways with smiles and hugs.
Later that night, as I was getting ready for bed, I received a text from an unknown number. It was my ex’s new girlfriend. “Hi, this is Lisa. I got your number from Ben. I hope it’s okay to text you. I wanted to ask you something.”
Curious, I replied, “Sure, what’s up?”
Her response came quickly and when I read it, I was STUNNED. She hadn’t gotten over our brief conversation earlier and was asking if Ben’s forgetfulness of special occasions was something that could be fixed. “I know this might seem odd because we touched on it earlier, but I need to know…”
“…Does Ben ever improve when it comes to birthdays and anniversaries? I don’t want to make a big deal out of it if it’s something that won’t change.” I stared at my phone, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of me wanted to warn her, to tell her not to ever expect much.
But another part of me debated whether to give Ben a heads-up as it seemed like this was a serious issue for his new girlfriend and that she expected more attention to such things. Yet, a part of me resented having to teach him to be better about something he never tried with me.
I also felt like it wasn’t my place to interfere. After a moment, I typed back, “Honestly, he’s my ex for a reason. I can’t say if he’ll change or not, and I’m not going to have the answers you need.” I continued, “It’s something you’ll have to figure out together. Lovely meeting you, though.”
Months went by without much thought about that night. Then, one evening, Ben called me out of the blue. “Lisa and I broke up,” he said, sounding frustrated.
“What happened?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“She kept making a big deal out of nothing, busy complaining about birthdays and anniversaries. I told her it’s not something I care about, and she just wouldn’t let it go,” he said, sounding furious.
“It turned into this huge argument when I forgot our anniversary, and she left,” he explained, his voice tinged with annoyance.
I sighed, feeling a twinge of guilt as I wondered if I could’ve helped them if I had been more supportive of Lisa when she texted me. “Ben, did she tell you it was important to her?” I asked, feeling like my responses to Lisa played a part in their breakup.
He was silent for a moment. “She told me on many occasions that such things were important to her.”
“But WHO CARES! You never made it a big deal,” he said defensively.
Tired of coddling him, I said, “Well, sir, and that’s why we divorced.”
“That’s mean, Kim,” my ex replied, sounding sad.
“Look, I’m sorry, but I stopped trying because I knew it wouldn’t matter to you,” I replied calmly. “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t important to me. Or to her. You have to meet people halfway.”
Ben grumbled something under his breath, and I could tell he wasn’t ready to accept that truth. We ended the call on a neutral note, and I sat there, thinking about Lisa. She deserved someone who would appreciate her efforts and reciprocate her feelings.
A few days later, I bumped into Lisa at the grocery store. She looked tired but managed a smile when she saw me. “Hi, how are you?” she asked politely.
“I’m good, thanks. How about you?” I replied, genuinely concerned.
“I’ve been better,” she admitted. “Ben and I broke up.”
“I heard,” I said softly. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
She sighed. “I couldn’t deal with feeling unimportant. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to care.”
I nodded, understanding her frustration all too well. “It’s hard when someone doesn’t value what you do. You deserve someone who will.”
Lisa smiled sadly. “Thanks. I appreciate that. I guess I hoped he could change.”
“Change is hard for some people,” I said gently. “But don’t lose hope. You’ll find someone who values you.”
We parted ways, and I felt a strange sense of closure. Lisa’s struggle mirrored my past frustrations, but it also highlighted how much I had grown since my marriage ended. I had learned to accept Ben’s flaws, but I also realized that I deserved more than what he was willing to give.
That evening, I sat down with my children and talked about their dad. I wanted them to understand that while he had his shortcomings, he loved them deeply. We laughed about his forgetfulness and shared stories of the good times we had as a family.
As I reflected on everything, I felt a deep sense of peace. I had moved on from the hurt and disappointment and was ready to embrace whatever the future held. I hoped Lisa would find the happiness she deserved, and I knew that I had done the right thing by not getting too involved in their relationship.
In the end, it wasn’t about birthdays or anniversaries. It was about finding someone who truly valued and appreciated you for who you are. I did not doubt that Lisa would find that person someday, and I knew I was finally content with my own life.
As I looked at my children, I felt grateful for the love and joy they brought into my life. We had our good and bad moments, but we were a family, and that was what mattered most. And as for Ben, I hoped he would eventually learn to value the important things in life.
For now, I was happy. I had my kids, friends, and a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time. And that was more than enough.
If you enjoyed Kim’s story, you’ll love this one about a woman who got pregnant around the same time her son’s girlfriend was also expecting. The son’s girlfriend caused a rift in the family when she made demands of his mother about naming her child.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
‘Families don’t have to match’ – Black couple share their journey to adopting three white children
Sadie and Jarvis Sampson tried everything for years to get pregnant, and eventually they accepted that they would only ever be aunt and uncle. Then, one day, they received a text that completely turned their world upside down.
Since getting married in January 2018, the pair has been trying to get pregnant, so when that didn’t work out naturally, they tried everything else.
The Houston mother told Love What Matters, “Ovulation tests, prenatal vitamins, cycle tracking apps, fertility monitors.”
“We didn’t even try our luck at following the unsolicited counsel of strangers, friends, and family. We tried, prayed, and waited for fourteen months. Month after Month. pregnancy test negative following negative test. It appeared like we would require help getting pregnant. We even went so far as to discuss it with medical professionals.
The couple seemed to get little assistance from the doctors. Sadie was advised by everyone that she would get pregnant if she reduced weight. Since she had no other options, she underwent gastric surgery and shed 28 pounds.
“She informed me that since she was unable to give me the fertility medication, she would refer me to a fertility specialist if I wasn’t pregnant within six months,” Sadie recalled. I was ecstatic to hear that. We finally received a response other than “no”! We were ecstatic to hear “not right now.”
Unfortunately, though, the couple felt as though they had begun over after Sadie lost the weight and they were unable to conceive.
Connecting the Dots – Adoption Puzzle Fundraising EventAs everyone is aware, we received a call regarding our little two weeks ago.
Published on Friday, August 30, 2019 by Sadie Sampson
Sadie said, “I had always felt like I was meant to be a mother.” “I was still not pregnant even though my surgeon had spent a long time to warn me about how fertile I would be following surgery. Thus, we gave up. We came to the realization that our only destiny was to be our nieces’ aunts and uncles and our goddaughters’ godparents.
The couple had just come to the painful conclusion that they would not be able to conceive when Sadie’s friend texted her to ask if they would be willing to foster a child that a couple she knew was thinking about for themselves.
At first, the couple was apprehensive since they had been instructed by a caseworker to look after the child while the mother sought therapy. The couple was concerned that they would grow overly devoted to the child. But soon after, the narrative was altered.
The caseworker stated, “The birth mother decided she would prefer you guys adopt the child instead.”
“Holy crap!!” was the first thing Sadie uttered out loud when she learned she was expecting a child.
“Overnight, we went from not having any kids to possibly fostering one to, ‘You guys are parents!’” Still in shock, I listened to the caseworker as she spoke. After hanging up, I dialed my spouse! “Baby!” They desire that we adopt the child! They want us to have kids,” I cried out. Hold on! Really? He exclaimed, “I assumed they just wanted us to foster him.” “Nope!” “They want us to be his parents,” I remarked.
Over the weekend, the couple not only processed the surprising news but also braced themselves in case the mother had second thoughts.
On Monday, the mother not only expressed her desire for them to adopt the child, but also stated that she was prepared to sign the adoption papers independently.
At 33 weeks, their son had been born—seven weeks ahead of schedule. His weight was 4 lbs. 5 oz. Sadie writes, “He fit in one of my husband’s hands.”
Sadie said, “He was so small, swaddled in a white blanket with stripes of pink and blue.” He was early, therefore he couldn’t eat on his own, thus an NG tube was coming out of his nose. But my goodness, was he adorable!
The couple was urged to create a registry after they announced their announcement on social media. In just three days, 55 of the 72 goods they had advertised had been purchased.
Following the adoption of Ezra Lee, which was completed in October 2020, the couple had the cutest family portraits shot, sporting t-shirts that said, “Families don’t have to match.”
Through embryo donation, Sadie and Jarvis became parents to twin twins, Destinee and Journey, in 2021. The black couple, adhering to their family credo, “Families don’t have to match,” gave birth to three white children: two girls and one boy.
There is just one reaction for anyone who judges this lovely family: love is the strongest foundation there is.
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