A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
My Stepmom Came to My Wedding in a White Dress, Saying She ‘Deserves Attention Too’ – So My Husband Taught Her a Real Lesson
When Alexandra’s stepmom arrived at her wedding in a white dress, insisting she deserved attention, Alexandra braced for chaos. But her husband had a plan to turn the tables in a way no one expected.
“These flowers need to be perfect,” Linda said, arranging them with exaggerated care. “After all, it’s a big day for the family.”
An elderly woman surrounded by flowers | Source: Pexels
I sat at the dining table, sipping my tea and trying to stay calm.
My dad smiled at her. “Linda has a great eye for these things,” he said.
I forced a smile. “They do look nice, Linda,” I replied.
A young woman | Source: Midjourney
Linda, my stepmother, came into my life when I was ten after Mom passed away. She loved being the center of attention, and today was no different.
She fussed over the flowers, making sure each petal was in the right place. Her movements were dramatic like she was on stage. I wondered what role she would try to play at the wedding.
An elderly woman posing with flowers | Source: Pexels
“Are you excited about the wedding, Dad?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
He nodded, his eyes twinkling. “Very much, Alexandra. It’s going to be a beautiful day.”
Linda chimed in, “Yes, and everything has to be perfect. It’s not every day we have such an important event.”
Wedding arrangements | Source: Midjourney
I nodded, but my mind was elsewhere. I knew Linda would find a way to make the day about her. She always did.
I remembered birthdays and holidays when she managed to be the star of the show, leaving me in the shadows.
As Linda continued to fuss over the flowers, my concern grew. I wanted to enjoy the wedding, but with Linda around, it was always a challenge.
An elderly woman | Source: Midjourney
“Do you need any help, Linda?” I offered, trying to be polite.
She waved me off. “No, no, dear. I have everything under control.”
“Alright,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’ll take a leave, Dad. I have to be somewhere.”
An elderly woman posing confidently | Source: Midjourney
I met up with Sarah, my best friend and maid of honor, at the wedding planner’s office.
“Why is the bride looking so sad?” she asked, wrapping me in a hug.
“I guess I’m just nervous.”
“Don’t be; you’ll have the best day! Now come on, we’re getting late.”
Two female friends sharing a hug | Source: Pexels
We entered the wedding planner Grace’s office.
“Well, uh, your stepmother requested to be seated in the front row and insisted on giving a speech during the reception, Alexandra,” she said, glancing up from her notes.
I was stunned. Linda and I had talked about this. How could she?
A worried woman | Source: Pexels
“Isn’t that usually reserved for the bride’s mother or father?” Sarah asked, raising an eyebrow.
Grace nodded. “Yes, traditionally, the front row is for the bride’s parents. Since your father will be there and you have chosen to honor your late mother by keeping a place for her, Linda technically shouldn’t be in that spot.
“Additionally, we need to maintain some decorum and respect for family traditions. This wedding is very meaningful, especially with the tribute to your mother.”
Chairs at a wedding | Source: Pexels
I sighed, feeling the familiar frustration rise. “She always has to make everything about herself. I bet she’s got some grand performance in mind!”
Sarah leaned in closer. “We need to be prepared for whatever she’s planning.”
Grace looked at me with a concerned expression. “How would you like to handle this, Alexandra?”
A wedding planner | Source: Midjourney
I thought for a moment. “Can we explain to her that the front row is reserved for my mom and dad? Maybe suggest she sit in the second row?”
“That sounds reasonable,” Grace agreed. “I’ll have a word with her. And about the speech?”
I shook my head. “I really don’t want her giving a speech. It’s supposed to be a tribute to my mom and a celebration of the wedding. She’ll just make it about herself.”
A mother and daughter kissing | Source: Pexels
Sarah nodded. “We can have someone else speak if needed. Maybe one of us or someone from your mom’s side of the family?”
“That’s a good idea,” I said, feeling a bit more at ease. “Let’s make sure the speeches are meaningful and respectful.”
Grace jotted down some notes. “I’ll take care of it. We’ll ensure everything runs smoothly.”
A woman taking notes | Source: Pexels
As we left Grace’s office, Sarah squeezed my arm.
“Don’t worry, Alex. We’ve got this. Linda won’t ruin your day.”
I nodded, hoping she was right.
A woman getting consoled by a friend | Source: Pexels
When I got back to our apartment, I needed to share my concerns with Tom.
“Linda is determined to steal the show,” I said, dropping my bag by the door. “She’s giving a speech at the reception and insisted on sitting in the front row.”
Tom wrapped his arms around me. “We’ll handle it together. Don’t worry.”
I frowned, leaning into his embrace.
A couple embracing | Source: Midjourney
“It’s not just that,” I said, pulling away from him. “She has a way of turning everything into a spectacle. She’s not my real mom, but she’s always pushed herself into roles meant for my mother. We want to honor my mother by keeping her place in the front row. I’m afraid she’s going to make our wedding about her.”
An elderly woman’s face | Source: Pexels
Tom smiled reassuringly. “Trust me. I’ve got a plan. Let her have her moment. It’ll all work out.”
“What kind of plan?” I asked, curious.
A woman sitting on a chair and posing | Source: Pexels
He kissed my forehead. “Just trust me. It’s a surprise. But I promise, it’ll keep the focus where it should be—on us and your mom’s memory.”
I sighed, feeling a bit better but still anxious. “I hope so. I just want everything to go smoothly. Linda can be so unpredictable.”
Tom squeezed my hand. “I know. But we’ve got this. We’re in this together.”
A woman holding a man’s hand | Source: Pexels
I nodded, trying to relax. “Thanks, Tom. I really appreciate it.”
“Anytime, love,” he said, giving me a reassuring smile. “Now, let’s enjoy our evening and not worry about Linda for a bit.”
I smiled back, feeling grateful for his support.
Soon, the wedding day arrived.
A bride smiling at her wedding dress indoors | Source: Pexels
I was excited and nervous.
While I was still in my bathrobe getting ready, Sarah burst into the room, her face pale.
“You won’t believe this,” she said, pulling me to the window.
I looked out and saw Linda emerging in a full-length, white wedding dress.
An elderly woman posing in her wedding gown | Source: Midjourney
“What the…” Okay, this was something I didn’t see coming. How dare she?
“Linda, what are you doing? You can’t wear white to my wedding!” I stormed over to her, unable to hide my fury.
“Oh, darling,” she smirked, not showing even one ounce of regret. “You’re young, Alexandra. You have your whole life ahead of you. This might be my last chance to feel like a bride again. I deserve this attention.”
A smiling elderly woman in a wedding dress | Source: Midjourney
I felt my anger rising, but Tom pulled me aside. “Trust me, we’ll sort this out later,” he whispered with a mischievous smile.
“But Tom, how could she?”
“Trust me, okay?” he said, and I relented.
A newly wed couple | Source: Pexels
The ceremony proceeded, with Linda sitting in the front row, basking in her stolen spotlight. Grace had a helpless look on her face, so it was clear Linda had managed to get what she wanted.
I was boiling inside, but I trusted Tom.
As the ceremony continued, I tried to focus on the vows and the moment. I looked at Tom, who gave me a reassuring nod. But every time I saw Linda’s smug expression, my faith in Tom’s plan wavered.
A worried bride | Source: Pexels
When it was time for the speeches, I held my breath. Linda stood up, ready to take over. But before she could speak, Tom took the microphone.
“Ladies and gentlemen, before we continue, I’d like to share a special video tribute to Alexandra’s late mother.”
The lights dimmed, and a beautiful montage of my mom played on the screen.
A bride looking at a screen | Source: Midjourney
Photos, videos, and heartfelt messages filled the room. Tears filled my eyes, and the guests were visibly moved. Linda’s expression shifted from smugness to shock.
As the tribute ended, Tom looked at me with a knowing smile. “This day is about honoring your mother and our love, Alex. No one can take that away.”
Then he looked at Linda. “Linda, could you join us up here?” he asked.
A groom talking on the mic | Source: Midjourney
Linda looked smug, thinking she was about to be honored.
As she made her way to the stage, Tom continued, “Linda has always been a star in her own right, so today, we’ve decided to let her shine even more.”
Another slideshow began to play. The first few pictures were innocent enough, showing Linda in her white dress from various angles at the wedding. But then, Tom’s twist came.
A happy groom | Source: Midjourney
The next photo showed Linda sneaking into my bridal suite earlier that morning.
She was caught on camera trying on my wedding veil, twirling around with a bouquet she’d taken from the floral arrangements.
The room gasped, and Linda’s face turned red.
She tried to stay calm, but Tom wasn’t done.
A gray-haired woman wearing a veil | Source: Pexels
“Wait, Linda, we’re not finished,” he said, motioning to the DJ.
Suddenly, the speakers played a recording of Linda on the phone with her friend, boasting about her plan to outshine me.
“This little princess needs to learn her place. I’ve waited long enough to have my moment,” her voice echoed through the hall.
An angry elderly bride | Source: Midjourney
The crowd was stunned, and a few people even booed. Tom wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “I told you I had it covered.”
But the surprise wasn’t over.
A happy newly-wed couple | Source: Midjourney
Tom had arranged for Linda’s ex-husband to be the guest speaker. He took the stage, sharing stories about Linda’s past antics, showing everyone her true nature.
The result? Linda, red-faced and cornered, slipped out of the hall as quietly as she could. Tom and I shared a smile, knowing we taught her a lesson her way. She was in the spotlight as she was wanted but for all the wrong reasons.
A crying elderly woman | Source: Midjourney
Have you had to teach a lesson to someone at your wedding, too?
If you enjoyed this story, here’s another one: When Hannah’s Dad waltzed into her birthday party with her best friend on his arm, she was determined to make him pay. Little did he know that Han nah’s plan was to unexpectedly turn the tables at her graduation party.
A young woman at her graduation party | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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