A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Man’s hilarious response to “T-G-I-F” leaves blonde absolutely speechless
Laughter is often said to be the best medicine, and for good reason! It brings joy, boosts our mood, and even prolongs our lives.
When a blonde woman greeted an older man with a bright, “T-G-I-F.” she had no idea it would lead to an unexpected exchange…
His hilarious reply not only caught her off guard but also turned an ordinary Friday into a moment of pure joy…. Curious about what he said that made her laugh so hard?
Keep reading to discover the punchline…
A businessman got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”
She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.
He again answered, “S-H-I-T.”
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possible, “T-G-I-F.”
The man smiled back at her and once again, “S-H-I-T.”
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. “‘T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank God, It’s Friday!’ Get it, duuhhh?”
The man answered, “S-H-I-T means ‘Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday’—duuhhh.”
BONUS: ANOTHER FUNNY STORY 👇🏻
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: “Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in eight hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.”
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman… He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, woke up his kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home, and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. He set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, he set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30, he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops, and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m., he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!”
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But you’ll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”
Why not share a laugh today? Whether it’s with a friend, family member, or even a stranger, let the laughter echo and brighten someone’s day.
After all, a shared laugh is a moment worth cherishing! If this story made you smile, don’t forget to share it with others—because everyone deserves a little humor in their lives!
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