Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
HE DIDN’T VISIT HIS MOM FOR 7 YEARS – WHAT HE FOUND WILL SHOCK YOU
Olive finally got a good job right when her son, Chris, left for college. She was so happy to be able to help him with everything he needed. As Chris stood at the train station, about to leave for New York, Olive reassured him, “Chris, don’t worry about anything. I’ll pay for as much as I can. If you need anything, just call me.”
For most of Chris’s life, Olive had struggled to make ends meet. She raised him on her own and studied at night to improve their situation. While Chris always had food and a roof over his head, Olive could never afford the things other kids had. His gifts were often second-hand, and Olive felt guilty for not being able to give him more.
Despite this, she loved him deeply and worked hard to ensure he had the best future possible. Seven years passed, and they only talked through video calls, but one day, Chris returned home and was shocked by what had happened.
Olive was finally earning a decent salary and felt proud she could give Chris anything he needed. “Thank you, Mom,” Chris said, hugging her tightly before getting on the train to New York.
Years passed, and one day, Chris decided to visit his mom. He knocked on the door of his childhood home, but there was no answer. Confused, he peeked through the window—and couldn’t believe what he saw. The house was completely empty.
***
“Mrs. Franklin, you should come to visit! I’m so huge now!” Chris’s fiancée, Rosalie, said cheerfully during a video call, showing off her baby bump. Olive smiled through the screen, but something weighed heavily on her mind.
“Mom, I wanted to ask you something,” Chris began, scratching the back of his head nervously. “Since Rosalie and I are about to graduate and we’re having a baby, I was wondering if you could help us with a house. We’ve already found one in New Jersey. We can’t afford to live in the city, but it’s beautiful, and it reminds me of home.”
Olive stared at her son, deep in thought. “Well, I… don’t know,” she hesitated, thinking about her savings and the hard work she’d put in over the years. She was finally planning for her retirement.
“Please, Mom,” Chris pleaded, explaining the cost of the house and how much they needed for a down payment. He also mentioned that Rosalie didn’t have any family to help them out.
After a long pause, Olive sighed. “Ok, Chris, ok. I think we can work something out.” She knew it would mean using up her entire savings and living even more frugally, but it was possible.
Chris’s face lit up. “Thank you! Thank you, Mom! I don’t know what I’d do without you!” he said, nearly in tears. Olive smiled back, knowing that all her sacrifices were worth it.
***
“I wish you guys could come this Christmas,” Olive said in front of her computer, as she had done many times over the years. It had been seven years since Chris left home, and he hadn’t returned to their Maryland hometown. All their communication was through video calls. Olive was missing out on her granddaughter’s life, and it hurt her deeply. But everyone was always busy, and she felt lonelier with each passing year.
Olive was working harder than ever, still helping Chris financially. She had already depleted her savings once, and now, after helping him start a business, they were almost gone again. Olive never asked Chris for anything in return, but she wished they would at least visit her, as she couldn’t make the trip herself.
“We can’t, Mom. Not this year,” Chris said, shaking his head apologetically during another video call. “But thank you for the gifts you sent Mallory. She loves them. You’re an amazing grandma.”
“Can you put her on the screen?” Olive asked gently. She smiled as she watched her granddaughter, but the longing to hold her was overwhelming.
***
What Olive didn’t know was that Chris was finally planning a surprise visit. He couldn’t afford plane tickets for Rosalie and Mallory to come with him, but he was excited to see his mother after so many years.
However, when his taxi pulled up in front of the house, Chris frowned. It was 9 p.m., and the house was completely dark. He told the driver to wait for a moment and stepped out. Something was off. The porch furniture was gone, the plants his mother had always cared for were missing, the garden was overgrown, and even the welcome mat was no longer there. His heart sank as he walked toward the door.
Chris knocked on the door again, but there was still no response. He peeked through the window and was shocked—everything inside was gone. *Did Mom move? Why didn’t she tell me?* he thought, feeling a knot of concern form in his chest.
“Chris? Is that you?” a familiar voice called out.
He turned around to see Mrs. Torres, the elderly woman who had lived next door his entire life. “Mrs. Torres! Hi!” he greeted.
“What are you doing here, kid?” she asked, surprised.
“I’m here to see Mom. Do you know where she is?” Chris asked, frowning, feeling more confused by the second.
“Oh, dear. Your mother moved away about two years ago. She sold the house, but the new owners only moved out a few weeks ago. I’m not sure who’s moving in next,” Mrs. Torres said, her face scrunching up as she spoke.
“She never told me,” Chris muttered in disbelief. “Do you know where she went?”
“Yes, I have her new address somewhere. Come inside,” Mrs. Torres replied, leading him to her house. After a few minutes, she handed Chris a piece of paper with the address written on it.
Chris read it and frowned deeply. The address was in a part of town known for being run-down. “Do you know why she moved to that area?” he asked Mrs. Torres, feeling uneasy.
“No, honey. But I know she has a roommate now,” Mrs. Torres said with a shrug, leaving Chris even more puzzled.
Feeling anxious, Chris returned to the taxi and gave the driver the new address. The car pulled up to a shabby apartment complex on a poorly lit street. The building’s paint was peeling, and it looked neglected. Chris hurried inside, noticing there was no security as he easily made his way up to the apartment.
When Olive opened the door, her eyes widened in shock. “Chris? What are you doing here?”
“Mom! What is going on? Why did you sell the house?” Chris asked, bewildered and upset.
Olive sighed heavily and stepped aside, inviting her son into the small, cramped living room. Once they sat down, she began to explain.
“The first time you asked for money for the house, I still had some savings left, so I used them to help you and Rosalie. But when you asked for money for your business, I didn’t have anything saved up. So, I decided to sell the house and give you most of the profit,” Olive said, her voice calm but tinged with sadness.
Chris was stunned. He had no idea. The realization that his mother had sold her home to help him was like a punch to the gut. “Mom, why didn’t you tell me? I never would’ve taken that money if I had known. I feel terrible… I’ve been so careless,” he said, his voice breaking with guilt.
“But, sweetheart, I just wanted you to succeed,” Olive explained softly. “I couldn’t give you much when you were younger, and I wanted to make up for it. I didn’t want you to struggle…”
Chris shook his head, his heart heavy. “Mom, you didn’t fail me. You gave me everything that mattered. I wish I had seen that sooner,” he said, his voice filled with regret.
“Mom, you gave me everything I ever needed,” Chris said, his voice shaking with emotion. “I only asked for help because I thought you could afford it. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for not checking on you, for not visiting, and for letting you live here, with a roommate, at your age. I’m so sorry.” Tears of frustration streamed down his face.
Olive, with tears in her eyes, hugged her son tightly. They held each other, both overwhelmed with emotion. Chris made many promises that night, vowing never to let her struggle again. Later, he called Rosalie and explained everything. Together, they agreed it was time to move Olive closer to them.
Fortunately, Olive found a new job in New Jersey quickly, and within a few months, they had built an in-law suite for her. Olive was finally close to her family and could enjoy every moment with her granddaughter, Mallory.
Chris worked hard and repaid his mother every penny she had given him for the house and his business, which had become a huge success. Their family was comfortable, and most importantly, Chris never let his mother sacrifice for him again. Olive never missed another precious moment of her granddaughter’s life, and Chris made sure that she would always be taken care of from then on.
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