Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
The Heartwrenching Life of Mary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore spent decades as “America’s Sweetheart,” starring in popular shows like The Dick Van Dyke Show and The Mary Tyler Moore Show. But behind her Hollywood success, her life was filled with family tragedies. Here is the story of Mary Tyler Moore.
Mary Tyler Moore was born on December 29, 1936, in Brooklyn, New York, to George Tyler Moore, a clerk, and Marjorie Hackett Moore. She was the oldest of three children in a Catholic family, raised in a home her father called “impoverished nobility.”
Mary Tyler Moore – Childhood
Brooklyn was a diverse place during Mary’s childhood. As an English-Irish Catholic, she grew up in an orthodox Jewish neighborhood. Though it was different from what she was used to, Mary found it exciting. “My background is exciting,” she said. “We integrated ourselves, fought each other, called each other names, but through it all we were friends.”
Mary loved dancing as a young girl. When she was five, her family moved to Los Angeles, bringing her closer to her dream of being in show business. After World War II, the Moore family settled in Los Angeles, where Mary’s successful uncle, Harold Hackett, encouraged the move.
Moving to Los Angeles
Starting at the bottom, Mary worked hard to achieve her dream. She attended grammar school in Hollywood and later went to a Catholic school. She wasn’t the best student and struggled with self-confidence, especially with a father who was an expert on movie classics.
However, Mary knew that if she was going to make it in show business, LA was the place to be. She focused on singing and dancing and worked in the mailroom of a Hollywood company in 1953. Although it wasn’t glamorous, it was a step toward her dream. But Mary wasn’t meant to stay in a mailroom.
Mary would often sit in on radio show rehearsals, and she eventually took dance classes, which her aunt paid for. By the time she graduated high school, Mary was well on her way to a career in show business.
Mary Tyler Moore – Dancer
In 1955, Mary got her first on-screen role as a dancer in TV commercials for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. She played “Happy Hotpoint” in 39 segments, earning $6,000. At just 17 years old, Mary was now a professional dancer. But soon, she found out she was pregnant, which changed everything.
Mary had married Richard Carleton Meeker in 1955, and they had a son, Richard “Richie” Meeker Jr., in 1956. She wrote in her memoir how difficult it was to continue working as an actress while pregnant. She even had to squeeze into a costume that became tighter as her pregnancy progressed.
Mary Tyler Moore – Comedy Shows
After her pregnancy, Mary’s career took off. She appeared in several TV shows, and although she was often hired for her “beautiful dancer legs,” she soon proved she had real talent. In the early 1960s, she was cast as Laura Petrie on The Dick Van Dyke Show. The show became a huge success, known for its clever humor. Mary won two Emmys and a Golden Globe for her work on the show.
After the show ended in 1966, Mary took a break to focus on family and movies. However, she found her true calling in comedy shows. In 1970, she got her own show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, where she played the role of Mary Richards, a single woman working as a producer at a fictional news station. The show was groundbreaking and became an instant hit.
Mary’s show ran for seven seasons and 168 episodes, earning her many awards. But it wasn’t all easy. Before the pilot aired, both Mary and the writers were worried. They had a terrible first run-through, and Mary cried herself to sleep. But the writers made changes, and the show became a huge success.
Mary Tyler Moore – Awards
The show was filmed in front of a live audience, which made it nerve-wracking for Mary, who often had to perform dance routines perfectly. “It was do or die,” she said. Mary won several awards for her role, including three Emmys and a Golden Globe, proving her talent.
However, behind the success, Mary faced personal struggles. Both she and her mother battled alcoholism. Mary’s sister passed away from a combination of alcohol and painkillers, and Mary’s own son also faced addiction and tragic loss.
Alcohol Abuse
Mary’s alcoholism worsened during her marriage to Grant Tinker. She would drink to cope with unhappiness, even playing “Russian roulette” with her car. After their divorce in 1980, Mary’s drinking continued until she checked into the Betty Ford Center for help. She managed to stop drinking and found strength during her recovery.
Tragic Passing of Son Ritchie Meeker
Mary’s son, Richie Meeker, tragically passed away in October 1980 after accidentally shooting himself with a gun. Richie had struggled with addiction, and his death was devastating for Mary. She later spread his ashes in the Owens River in California and wrote about her grief in her memoir.
Mary Tyler Moore – Academy Award
Despite the heartbreak, Mary continued to find success. In 1980, she starred in Ordinary People, earning an Oscar nomination for Best Actress. She also won a Tony Award for her Broadway performance in Whose Life Is It Anyway?.
Mary married Robert Levine in 1983, and they stayed together until her death in 2017. In her later years, Mary battled complications from diabetes, including heart and kidney problems. She also lost her vision, and in 2011, she had a benign tumor removed from her brain.
Mary Tyler Moore passed away on January 25, 2017, at the age of 80 due to cardiopulmonary arrest, following a battle with pneumonia. Her death was met with tributes from fellow celebrities, including Robert Redford and Oprah Winfrey.
Mary Tyler Moore had a tough life behind the scenes, but she will always be remembered for her talent, grace, and kindness. She will be missed, but her legacy lives on.
Leave a Reply