A car from my stepdaughter Emily was the last thing I expected on my 55th birthday, especially considering our history. She handed me the keys, and I thought that was it. But then she mentioned another gift hidden in the glove compartment. What I found there changed our relationship forever.
I’ve always said that being a stepmom is like walking a tightrope. You’re trying to balance between being a parent and not overstepping. Between loving unconditionally and respecting boundaries.
A woman crying | Source: Pexels
For me, that tightrope has been my life for the past ten years with my stepdaughter, Emily.
I met her father, David, at my workplace. I was new there and he helped me with a lot of things. We instantly became friends.
Now that I look back at it, I feel like fate had given me my new job so I could meet David. We had so many things in common, and it took us only about a few months to start dating.
A couple holding hands | Source: Pexels
David told me everything about his life. He had lost his wife about a year before we met, and his life revolved around his little girl, Emily. He loved her to pieces.
As our relationship grew stronger, I couldn’t help but wonder about our future.
One evening, as we sat on his porch swing after dinner, I decided to broach the subject.
“David,” I said, my heart racing, “where do you see this going? Us, I mean.”
He turned to me. “Monica, I love you. I want to spend my life with you. But…”
A close-up shot of a man | Source: Midjourney
“But what?” I prompted gently.
“I want to marry you, but I’m worried about Emily. I don’t know how she’d react to having a stepmom.”
I reached out and took his hand. “David, it’s going to be fine. My meetings with Emily have always gone well. She’s a sweet girl.”
“You’re right,” he said as he smiled. “Emily does seem to like you. She always asks when you’re coming over next.”
A little girl | Source: Pexels
“See?” I squeezed his hand. “We’ll take it one step at a time. Emily and I will find our way.”
“You’re right. We’ll make this work. Together.”
When I married David, I knew I was stepping into a complicated situation. Emily was just 12, still raw from losing her mom two years earlier. I knew it would be difficult for her to accept me as her stepmother, but I thought things would get better.
I was wrong.
A woman sitting at a table | Source: Pexels
I remember the first time I met her. I remember how her big brown eyes looked up at me with concern.
“Hi Emily,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m Monica. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Hi,” she mumbled, before quickly excusing herself to her room.
That moment set the tone for our relationship. I tried my best to be there for her, but Emily always seemed to keep me at arm’s length.
A little girl looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
It wasn’t that she was mean or disrespectful. No, it was more subtle than that. She was polite but distant, like a guest in her own home.
I remember her 13th birthday. I’d spent hours decorating the house and baking her favorite chocolate cake. When Emily came home from school, her eyes widened at the sight.
“Wow,” she’d said, a small smile playing on her lips. “This looks great. Thanks, Monica.”
It was a nice moment, but there was still that invisible barrier.
A chocolate cake | Source: Pexels
She didn’t hug me or show much excitement. It was like she was holding back, afraid to let herself get too close.
Despite the challenges, David and I had a good relationship. He was patient and always encouraged me to keep trying with Emily.
We were happy. So happy. But then, five years ago, my world turned upside down.
David was killed in a car accident, leaving Emily and me alone.
I still remember that awful day.
A woman crying | Source: Pexels
I was sitting in the living room with Emily, and both of us were shocked.
“What do we do now?” Emily asked in a trembling voice.
I reached out and took her hand.
“We stick together,” I said. “We’re a family and we’ll get through this together, okay?”
She nodded and squeezed my hand tightly. It was the closest we’d ever been, united in our grief.
After David’s death, it was just Emily and me. We were the only family for each other.
A woman hugging her daughter | Source: Pexels
I never wanted to replace her mom. I just wanted to be someone she could rely on.
But no matter how many birthdays or milestones we celebrated together, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she merely tolerated me. It was like there was an invisible barrier between us that I couldn’t break through.
As Emily grew up, she became more independent and spent a lot of time away from home. She eventually got a great job in marketing and was doing well for herself.
A woman using her laptop | Source: Midjourney
I was proud of her accomplishments but also worried about the emotional distance that seemed to have grown even wider between us.
I’d always imagined we’d have a loving relationship, but instead, our interactions felt transactional.
There were times when Emily would barely acknowledge my existence at family gatherings, and her silence felt like a constant reminder that I was an outsider in her life.
Last Thanksgiving made me realize she didn’t value my presence at all.
A Thanksgiving dinner spread | Source: Pexels
My sister and her family had come over, and Emily had arrived late. She just gave a quick hello before immersing herself in conversation with her cousins.
My sister pulled me aside when she noticed this.
“Everything okay with you and Emily?” she asked.
“Oh, you know how kids are,” I forced a smile. “She’s just busy with work and her own life.”
But inside, my heart was breaking.
I wanted so badly to be close to her, to have the kind of relationship where we could talk about anything and everything.
A sad woman | Source: Pexels
Fast forward to last week, just before my 55th birthday.
Emily called me and said she wanted to take me out for a special birthday dinner. I was touched. Usually, she only sent me a card and flowers, but this felt different.
I wondered if this was finally a sign that she was starting to see me as more than just her dad’s second wife.
She picked me up in a sleek red convertible.
A red convertible | Source: Pexels
At first, I thought she was just picking me up in a rental, but then she stepped out, handed me the keys, and said, “Happy birthday. This is for you.”
Her voice was flat, almost mechanical. It seemed like she was fulfilling an obligation rather than giving a genuine gift.
I tried to muster a smile and said, “Thank you, Emily. This is so generous of you.”
Then, we went for dinner.
I thought it would be an opportunity for us to bond, but our conversation felt forced and awkward.
A restaurant table | Source: Pexels
At that point, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the car was a way for Emily to buy her way out of guilt or some sense of duty she felt toward me.
Was this her way of finally cutting ties? Was this a goodbye gift?
On the drive home, I was consumed by these thoughts. My heart ached at the possibility that Emily had only ever seen me as a temporary figure in her life.
As we parked in the driveway, Emily mentioned there was something in the glove compartment for me.
A car’s interior | Source: Pexels
“It’s a part of your gift,” she said.
My hands trembled as I opened it and found a small stack of papers inside.
As I pulled them out, my heart skipped a beat. They were drawings — childhood drawings that Emily had made years ago. I went pale.
The drawings were simple and sweet, depicting our little family. I recognized myself in them, always drawn with a big smile. The stick-figure version of me was labeled “Mom.”
A child’s drawing | Source: Pexels
Each drawing showed us together, doing mundane things like baking or gardening, and they all had the same caption: “Mom and Me.”
Tears welled up in my eyes as the realization hit me.
All those years, I thought I was just a stepmom, someone Emily tolerated. But these drawings were proof that she saw me as her mom. That she loved me all along.
“Emily, these drawings… I don’t know what to say.”
“I’ve always loved you, Mom,” she said.
A young woman in a car, smiling | Source: Midjourney
“I just didn’t know how to say it. It felt like I was betraying my birth mom if I called you ‘Mom,’ too. But you’ve been there for me through everything, and I want you to know that I see you as my mom. I always have.”
I was speechless. The tears came then, and we hugged each other tightly, both of us crying and laughing at the same time. All the years of uncertainty, all the walls between us, seemed to crumble in an instant.
A woman smiling | Source: Midjourney
We spent the rest of the evening talking about everything. Her fears, my doubts, and all the moments we had shared that meant more to each of us than the other realized.
It was like a weight had been lifted, and for the first time, I truly felt like Emily’s mom.
If you enjoyed reading this story, here’s another one you might like: George’s absence haunts their home, his memory wrapped in his shirt that Mariana clutches each night. Yet, it wasn’t his death that shattered her… it was her stepdaughter Susan’s demand for his assets. When she finally gave in, a twist emerged, leaving Susan furious and Mariana oddly at peace.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
How to Own Your Dream Home
For most people, their first home isn’t their dream home. It starts off nice enough. But as time goes by and your family grows, starter homes tend to get a little . . . cramped.
But don’t hate on your current home too much. Because while it gave you a safe and dry place to lay your head at night, it was also setting you up to own your dream home someday.
We’ll show you how it all works and walk you through the steps that’ll get you in your dream home—one you can actually afford!
How to Get Your Dream Home in 5 Steps
Here are the steps:
- Follow the Financial Basics
- Find Out How Much Equity You Have
- Set Your New Home-Buying Budget
- Find the Right Dream Home for You
- Be Picky and Patient
Now let’s cover each step in more detail.
Step 1: Follow the Financial Basics
First thing’s first—you have to get out of debt, get on a budget, and build up an emergency fund of 3–6 months of expenses. Sounds pretty basic, right? If you haven’t completed these steps, then you’re not ready to upgrade to your dream home . . . yet.
Now, when you’ve got house fever, it can be hard to focus on paying off debt or saving an emergency fund before you upgrade your home—especially when you’re feeling the pressure of rising home prices and interest rates.
But whether it’s your second or third house, you should only buy a home when you’ve covered the financial basics we mentioned above. Then you’ll be ready to start the journey toward owning your dream house.
And that journey starts with your home equity. What’s equity? Well, we’re glad you asked . . . that brings us to the next step.
Step 2: Find Out How Much Equity You Have
Home equity is a pretty simple concept: It’s your current home’s value minus whatever you still owe on your mortgage.
See, in most cases, your home’s value increases over time. Similar to other long-term investments (like retirement accounts), homes gradually increase in value. There have been periods of ups and downs in the market to be sure, but the value of real estate has consistently gone up. According to the St. Louis Federal Reserve, the average sale price of a home has increased over 2,300% from 1965 to 2023! And in the last ten years (2013 to 2023), there’s been a 68% increase.1 As your home increases in value, so does your equity. In real estate terms, this is called appreciation.
Other factors that increase your home’s equity include:
- Added value: Home improvement projects like adding square footage, updating fixtures and appliances, or even just slapping on a new coat of paint can add value to your home.
- Mortgage paydown: Paying down your mortgage not only gets you out of debt faster, it also builds your equity. The less you owe on your home, the more equity you have.
The amount of equity you have gives you a pretty good idea of how much money you’ll end up with after selling your house. You can use that money to make a hefty down payment and cover the other costs that come with buying a home.
Find expert agents to help you buy your home.
So, how do you determine your home’s value? Well, you can get a ballpark estimate on real estate websites like Zillow, ask a trusted real estate agent to perform a competitive market analysis (which they’ll do anyway if they’re helping you sell your house), or get a professional appraisal.
Finding out your home’s equity will involve a little math, but it’s third-grade-level stuff, so don’t sweat it.
Here’s what we mean. Let’s say your home’s current value is $355,000. When you sell that house, you’ll have to pay for between 1–3% of the sale price in closing costs, another 6% in fees for the real estate agent who helped you sell it, and whatever’s left to pay off on your mortgage.
That means you can estimate clearing over $223,000 from selling your house. That’s a killer down payment on your dream home! And if your home is paid off, that’s even more money to put down and use to pay for things like repairs and moving expenses.
Step 3: Set Your Dream Home Budget
Once you know how much you’ll clear from the sale of your home, you can start making a budget for your dream home.
The key to owning your dream home (instead of it owning you) is to keep your mortgage payment to no more than 25% of your take-home pay on a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage, along with paying a down payment of at least 20% to avoid private mortgage insurance (PMI). Never get a 30-year mortgage even if the bank offers it (and they will). You’d pay a fortune in interest—money that should go toward building your wealth, not the bank’s.
So, let’s say your take-home pay is $4,800 a month. That means your monthly mortgage payment shouldn’t be any bigger than $1,200. By the way, that 25% figure should also include other home fees collected every month with the mortgage payment like homeowners association (HOA) fees, insurance premiums and property taxes.
Plug your numbers into our mortgage calculator to see how much house you can afford.
And don’t forget to budget for all those other costs that come with the home-buying process in addition to your closing fees—things like moving expenses and any upgrades or repairs you might need to make. You don’t want these hidden costs to catch you off guard or drain your emergency fund.
Step 4: Find the Right Dream Home for You
This is where things get real. After all your hard work building up your equity (and doing a lot of math—don’t forget that), you’re finally ready to start the house hunt. Woo-hoo!
But don’t lose focus. Stay zoned in by making a list of features that make a home fit your budget, lifestyle and dreams—and stick to it throughout your house hunt. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
- Don’t compromise on location and layout. If you plan to be in this home for the long haul, an out-of-the-way neighborhood or a wacky floor plan is a deal breaker. Look for a community and layout that’ll suit your lifestyle now and for years to come.
- Think about how much space your family needs. While your budget has the final say about how much home you buy, you’ll want your dream home to fit your family’s needs through different life seasons.
- Consider the school districts. If you have or want kids, the quality of the nearby school districts is probably already on your mind. But even if you don’t have kids or you’re retired, keep in mind that having good schools nearby could increase your home’s value.
- Look for a house that’ll grow in value. Are home values rising in the area? Is the number of businesses going up? These factors can help you figure out whether your dream home will turn into a good investment.
- Count the costs. Want that fancy master bathroom with the multiple showerheads and the Jacuzzi tub? Be clear on what’s a must-have and what’s nice to have. And don’t forget, upgraded features like that will make your dream home more expensive.
Step 5: Be Picky and Patient
We know you’re anxious to get into those new digs, but be patient. Wait for the right house at the right time. Don’t spend your money on a less-than-ideal home just because you’re tired of looking.
The key is finding a good real estate agent who understands your budget and refuses to settle for “good enough.” They’re as committed to your dream as you are and will have your back throughout the entire process, no matter what it takes.
In addition to teaming up with a great real estate agent, you can take a couple of extra steps to make sure you’re ready to strike as soon as the right home comes up:
- Get preapproved for a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage. Having preapproved financing is a green flag for sellers—especially in multiple offer situations. And because this puts most of your information in the lender’s system, you’ll be on the fast track to closing once your offer is accepted.
- Offer earnest money with your bid. Earnest money is a deposit to show you’re truly interested in a home. Usually it’s 1–2% of the home’s purchase price and it’s applied to your down payment or closing costs. Even if the deal falls through, you can almost always get most of it back.
Find a Real Estate Expert in Your Local Market
Now, you might be thinking you have some work to do before you’re ready to find your dream home. Or you may be realizing your years of hard work are about to pay off! Regardless, if you follow these steps, you’ll find the house you’ve always wanted and avoid a purchase you’ll regret.
Once you’re ready, connect with one of our RamseyTrusted real estate agents. These are high-performing agents who do business the Ramsey way and share your values so you can rest easy knowing the search for your dream home is in the right hands.
Find the only real estate agents in your area we trust, and start the hunt for your dream home!
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